I’m curious about this very subject… do we, in fact, demand too much from our relationships? In reality, in the best of relationships, only twenty-five percent of our needs are met. So what does this mean to those of us who are continuously unsuccessful in finding someone to share love with? Well maybe, just maybe, we’ve been chasing this whole relationship issue up the wrong tree, so to speak. Maybe we’re looking for one person to meet too many of our needs in a close, personal relationship. What does finding an equal mean? What is the most important quality for you to find in someone you want to open your heart to? Are you secretly doing the same thing that congress does… ‘earmarking your relationship bill’ with all sorts of non-essentials? Or, in a reaction to what you didn’t have in the past, are you inadvertently packing your list of wishes for a mate with ALL that you didn’t have in the past?
I’d like to know what you’ve learned from your own experience! Have you learned that you were doing just that? Have you demanded to much in the past? Have you seen that, in relationships, as in most of the rest of life, that less is most definitely more?
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Perhaps I am the exception to the rule, but I have learned over the last 10 years of being single, that during my 2 marriages (3.5 and 20 years) I had actually demanded too little. In my experiance, when you give and love unconditionally and ask nothing in return, that is often just what you get.
I’ve been mulling over this question a lot recently. I am currently in a relationship of one year after one year of “dating”. He’s not my ideal of a mate. We are sooo different on many levels. For instance, I like to socialize and go to gatherings and events; he is a loner. I like to eat healthy and practice yoga; he smokes, drinks, and eats junk food. BUT, we love being together!?! It feels so nice to be with him. I’m worried, however, that we are really not a fit.
How much should I demand/not demand? Where are the lines?
how odd – I’m in a very similiar spot – in a relationship with someone different on so many ways – as you say – and yet it feels nice being together though my need appears greater than hers. she says she can take or leave it. Is she being honest ??
The biggest and most important thing to realize is that you’re best off not trying to second guess someone who is apparently being honest with you. If your needs are greater than hers, and she says that she can take it or leave it, then you’re best to move on. Realize that there are more than enough who are appropriate for you ‘out there’ and that if you take the time to see who you are as a man, you’ll begin to understand that you’re worth finding someone who won’t just ‘take it or leave it’ but who will show you how much you mean to them and meet your own specific needs in relationship.